Bittersweet Changes

Thanksgiving… Where has the year gone? These past few years have just flown by, especially this year. As the holidays are approaching,  I’m finding it a bit bittersweet and I’ve found it a bit difficult to even pick up my camera and that in itself is depressing…

There have been so many struggles and changes this past year and I couldn’t be anymore thankful for them because of the lessons they have taught me. The biggest change is coming up in January when I plan on moving back to Texas and the closer it gets, the harder it is for me to accept this change though it was mine to make. I don’t regret making the decision but at the same time I feel selfish because this move is for me and I love it more than Cali. Yes I said it! I love Texas much more than California… Sorry Bessie but it’s true haha.

I made the move to Texas May of 08 at the drop of a hat for my younger brover because he needed help and I ended up staying there for year; during that time I knew things were going to be the same when I got back and I could always go back  to a home when I wanted… This time around I won’t be as fortunate.

I don’t care for change because with it, comes a sense of loss. Since losing my mother at the age of 12, I tend to handle change a lot differently than most people (if you’re also a motherless daughter, then chances are you know what I’m talking about). These will most likely be the last holidays I’m going to be able to spend with my grammers and a good chance it’ll be my last with my father as well; and knowing that makes this upcoming change that much more difficult…

I’m extremely close with my baby brover Danny and it’s usually pretty hard for me to go any length of time over two weeks without seeing him let alone speaking to him, so I knew that was going to take a toll on me but he let me know that he wants to move back with me, that just made my day. He decided to go into a 6 month rehab program which means I can’t see him when I want which is good because it teaches us that we can’t be so dependent of one another and it’ll give me a chance to adjust back to life on the hill until he can join me.

One of the best parts about moving back to Livingston is that, if and when anything does happen to either my grammers or father, I’ll have a strong support system, something I don’t really have out here; or at least not what I would need.

I’m hoping there aren’t many more changes from now until January but at the same time I know if there are, they’re for a reason and something good will come out of it somewhere down the line and I’m able to take comfort in that much.

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