This past week I’ve been thinking back about the past few years and all that has happened and what I believe I’m supposed to do. A lot. Such a large part of my heart was left in Texas when I moved back here to Cali and though I’m not one that likes to live in the past, I’m guilty of that when it comes to the relationships that I built there and the thoughts of what could have been seem to plague my mind quite a bit lately; and yes I do mean about a boy but not the way you would think.
I’ve always seemed to have a hard time finding someone who I just clicked with more on the emotional level than just personality. I have a few close friends who I see myself being friends with til the end and though they get me, they don’t at the same time and it makes it hard for them to comprehend what’s in my mind because of the way I process information.
As I was straightening some papers out on my desk this evening, I found an old journal that I had written all my random thoughts and ramblings in the first few months I was in Livingston; and I know I didn’t dig this journal out and to be honest, I forgot all about it and I still don’t know how it came to be on my desk…
As I was reading my entries I couldn’t help but laugh at myself a bit because they are written in a way that not many people would truly understand and as I came to the end of that first entry, I saw my buddy’s comment on it; and that just brought me to tears. You see, my buddy was the one who I hit it off with right off the bat and we became very close and he’s the one who understood my ramblings that no one else could. He had wanted to know what I was writing all the time so I made the journal and gave it to him; later that day he gave it back to me and he commented on every. single. entry. A few of the comments were fairly lengthy which was nice because I was able to see how his thinking is about a certain subject; but what many of them were about how they were him, how he thought, what he believed, and how he felt. When it came to sharing out testimony’s of how we came to know God, we talked for hours and not only did we realize we had a lot in common but we felt this comfort around each other and ended up sharing more details about certain things that we wouldn’t share with anyone else, and here we are acting as if we’ve been best friends all our lives when we’ve only known each other a few short weeks.
We still keep in touch though it can be difficult with the distance and time difference but when we do talk, it’s as if nothing has changed and I guess that was one thing that I was dreading about when I move back, “How much have things really changed between us?” when we’re face to face again. Life for the both of us has gone on and though our lives are much different; the more we talk we realize that we’re at the same cross-roads and we take comfort in knowing we aren’t alone and know that the other understands and will be there for the other.
Seeing his comment, “This IS me whether you meant it to be or not…” clarified for me that; even though a lot of time has passed and our lives have gone down separate paths, we’ll be there for one another and still understand each other like before and there is no greater comfort than that and knowing though we may not always say what’s on our minds, we don’t need to say anything because the other already knows.